Today I was at my mothers house a bit. After all some things have to be taken care of while my mother is staying in the home where she currently is.
Anyway, while I was there the phone started to rang. Of course I picked up the phone. There was this lady with an Asian dialect asking for my father. I froze when I heard that request, after all my father died over 10 years ago. For a moment I really didn’t know how to react.
The lady explained that my father donated 12 years ago to a refugee-project and she wanted to inform him that this project has been very successful. After explaining that my father has passed away, she felt very sorry and apologized.
Later that day I picked up the mail that was delivered at my mothers house. Normally there is only mail for my mother and me. But weird enough this day, the same day of the call of the Asian lady, there was a letter addressed to my father. It was a letter from the Dutch Red Cross of which my father has been a very active member (they should know my father passed away?????).
I will not say that I freaked out, but I was a bit confused by the fact on the same day after so many years suddenly so many occasions pointed so directly to my father.
Needless to say that many memories about my father came up again…. some bad memories, but luckily also many good memories.
This evening, before Marion went out with some of her female friends, I had dinner with her at the Markt 2. We talked a little about this.
She said that these kind of things are bound to happen and that is a good thing. They reminds us of those that are gone and who played an important part in our lives.
And as she said, she never has known my father, but I always spoke fondly of him…. even when we had our differences and arguments. And she is right, specially after I moved on my own the relation of my father and me became a good one.
But as the Dutch performer Stef Bos already sung: “Pappa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou…”
Hmmm… I apologize to those that cannot read Dutch. But I have a very strong urge to place the lyrics of that song now. It is so recognisable and so true….
Ik heb dezelfde ogen
En ik krijg jouw trekken rond mijn mond
Vroeger was ik driftig, vroeger was jij driftig
Maar we hebben onze rust gevonden
En we zitten naast elkaar
En we zeggen niet zo veel
Voor alles wat jij doet, heb ik hetzelfde ritueel
Pappa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou
Ik heb dezelfde handen
En ik krijg jouw rimpels in mijn huid
Jij hebt jouw ideeen, ik heb mijn ideeen
En we zwerven in gedachten, maar we komen altijd thuis
De waarheid die je zocht en die je nooit hebt gevonden
Ik zoek haar ook en tevergeefs, zolang ik leef
Want pappa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou
Vroeger kon je streng zijn
En God, ik heb je soms gehaat
Maar jouw woorden, ze liggen op mijn lippen
En ik praat nu, zoals jij vroeger praatte
Ik heb een goddeloos geloof en ik hou van elke vrouw
En misschien ben ik geworden wat jij helemaal niet wou
Maar pappa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou
En jij gelooft in God, dus jij gaat naar de hemel
En ik geloof in niks, dus we komen elkaar na de dood
Na de dood nooit meer tegen
Maar pappa, ik hou steeds meer van jou
Ik heb een goddeloos geloof en ik hou van elke vrouw
En misschien ben ik geworden wat jij helemaal niet wou
Maar pappa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou
Oh pappa, ik hou steeds meer van jou
Pappa, ik lijk steeds meer op jou…
Daddy… I really do… and yes, I miss you!
These moment brings a person out of balance. But these moments are a good thing.
As time goes by, these moments become less frequent till they are almost gone. But the love and good feelings about deceased beloved ones will never fade away.
And should be treasured
These moment tell so much about you as a person. That you still care. That it still matters. Even after those 10 years.